Restless
by Vorima Calina
Summary: It has been five years since Ritsuka met Soubi. He has finally come to terms with his feelings for Soubi, but theres something standing in the way and Ritsuka can't figure out what or why. One Shot! Ritsuka/Soubi


**A/N: First of all, a large (I'm talking refrigerator box size) box full of thanks goes to coralianbutterfly ****for beta reading this story and coming up with the title! You rock! Also, this is my first Loveless fanfic and my second yaoi fic, so please, constructive criticism is encouraged. And finally, please REVIEW!! I love to hear what you think, so let me know!**

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**Restless**

Aoyagi Ritsuka fumed as he paced his small bedroom. It had been two years since he had finally gotten up the courage to tell Soubi how he felt, and still nothing. Sure, Soubi was content to steal kisses when he was least expecting it, or to sit quietly together and comb his long fingers through Ritsuka's hair, but never anything more.

At first, Ritsuka had been unnerved by any show of emotion from Soubi, but they had been through so much now. It had been nearly five years. Ritsuka was 17 now, and a completely different person. He was harder, more mature, and very sure of himself. These qualities had been necessary as Ritsuka and Soubi fought to survive. The fight with Seimei had always seemed to belong to the distant future.

Then the fight had come, and they both nearly lost everything. Soubi had been gravely injured, and Ritsuka saw both of their lives hanging by a thread. That was when something inside of him snapped. In that moment, Ritsuka finally found the resolve he had lacked, and he had killed Seimei in order to save himself and, more importantly, Soubi.

Looking back, Ritsuka knew that he could have prevented many fights, and many casualties if he had only been strong enough to do what had to be done sooner. And yet, even now, a part of Ristuka regretted that he had lived while his brother died. Immediately after he killed his brother, Ritsuka had fallen into a deep depression and Soubi's nearly constant presence had served as his only reminder that there was at least one person in the world who still cared about him.

That was two years ago now, and while the wound was still great, time had begun to dull some of the pain, but it had also begun to wear Ritsuka's patience down. About six months after the final fight with Seimei, Ritsuka had asked Soubi if he would sleep with him. Soubi's response was anything but what Ritsuka had expected. The older man had smiled sadly and said,

"Don't do this to yourself now. You're still hurt. This is the wrong reason."

Ritsuka had been upset and confused by his response, but allowed Soubi to console him with a warm embrace and a few chaste kisses. Despite a continuing compassionate relationship, things had never progressed any further between the two. That was precisely what was bothering Ritsuka now. He knew that Soubi loved him. He could see it in the man's eyes every time he looked at him. Ritsuka also knew that he loved Soubi. He had fought it at first, but there really was no escaping the draw that he felt towards his fighter. He growled something that sounded like "Stupid Soubi" as he stopped pacing, and flopped onto his bed.

More than anything, Ritsuka wanted to be with Soubi. And it could have been attributed to raging teenage boy hormones, but it felt like his chest was on fire every time he saw the tall artist. Everything about Soubi, his voice, his touch, his smell; sent chills down Ritsuka's spine.

Suddenly, Ritsuka was pulled from his musings by the sound of pans crashing downstairs. His mother was home. She had been faring far worse in the past few years. Seimei's faux death had taken a huge toll on their mother, and she had never been able to recover. Most of the time now, she spent her days in Seimei's old room, or in her own passed out from sleeping pills. Unfortunately though, in the past couple months she had also begun drinking as well, and she was a violent drunk.

Ritsuka froze, and listened intently. No more sound came from downstairs. Figuring his mother had probably passed out, Ritsuka headed down the stairs to get his mother and put her in bed.

However, as he rounded the doorway into the kitchen, he was blindsided by a frying pan. Stars exploded behind his eyes and pain seared through his right temple. Instinctively, Ritsuka threw up his arms to protect his face, which was fortunate because his mother brought the frying pan down heavily, landing hits along both of his forearms.

Ritsuka was a little disoriented from being hit in the head, but he managed to get to his feet and pull the weapon from his mother's grasp. She was very drunk, and screaming at him, though he only caught a few things.

He was taller than her now, and stronger. As he pried the frying pan from her grip, she turned and grabbed a knife out of one of the kitchen drawers.

"Stay away from me," she shrieked. Her eyes were wide and strangely empty. It almost did not even look like she was seeing Ritsuka.

He froze and put the frying pan down on the table. He didn't want to do anything to startle his mother, but he did want to get the knife away from her before she could hurt herself or him.

"Mother, please. Its me, Ritsuka. Put the knife down."

"SHUT UP!!" she screamed, holding the knife threatening, her hands shaking. "You're not MY Ritsuka!! What did you do with my Ritsuka?!"

This was all the usual dialogue that she screamed at Ritsuka, but then her assault took a new turn.

"I know why Seimei left. Its because of you. You're not my Ritsuka. You are with _that man_ all the time."

Then his mother's voice took on a horrifying new quality. She sounded completely normal.

"Are you lovers, Ritsuka? Because he's a man and that's just wrong."

Ritsuka's eyes widened in shock, but he replied calmly.

"No, we aren't," he said, and in truth, he and Soubi were something else…something more.

"LIAR!! Seimei left because he didn't want a faggot for a brother!! WHY?! Why did you have to be like this?! I want my Seimei back! If I kill you, will Seimei come back?!"

She advanced on Ritsuka with the knife. He was so stunned by her words that he barely had time to react. He knew that it was a little strange to have fallen in love with Soubi, but he had been ready to accept that, because Soubi loved him too. They needed each other.

The knife skittered noisily across the kitchen tile, and several small droplets of blood began to fall to the floor. The crimson drops staining the white tile. Kneeling down, Ritsuka checked to see if his mother was alright. He hadn't known what to do when she came at him with the knife, so he had reacted out of instinct and hit her. She appeared to be alright. She was passed out on the floor, but still breathing.

Ritsuka sported a shallow cut across his collar bone right above his heart. She had aimed well.

He couldn't stand to be there any longer. He felt like the feeble world he had managed to construct after Seimei's betrayal, and then actual death, was crashing down around him. Not knowing where else to go, he knocked on Soubi's door twenty minutes later.

"Ristuka! What happened?" the blonde asked, true concern showing in his eyes.

"Mother was…upset," Ristuka mumbled.

He couldn't explain it, but just being here in Soubi's apartment made him feel better, made him feel anchored. Ritsuka noticed that Soubi had dried paint on his hands and he sat down and let Soubi tend to the gash in his chest. Ever since he had graduated from his university, Soubi was unable to keep up with all of the commissions he recieved and worked long hours on many paintings. To be such a successful artist at 25 was no easy feat.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, his skin prickling at Soubi's warm touch.

"Yes, Ritsuka? What is it?"

"Can I stay here tonight? I really can't go home…"

"Of course you can stay," Soubi replied automatically, cleaning up after lightly bandaging Ritsuka's wound.

"That wasn't an order," Ritsuka whispered. He felt his ears twitch back in mild irritation.

Soubi's face retained its usual rather impassive quality. That was something else that was driving Ritsuka insane. Everything with Soubi was about him being fighter and Ritsuka being the sacrifice. Rules, orders, servant, master. Ritsuka was beginning to wonder if Soubi really did feel anything. He had always said that he loved Ritsuka, but was it just as a fighter?

Ritsuka could feel the heat rising in his face. The whole situation was becoming unbearably embarrassing. He glowered at Soubi and stood, reaching over to grab his shirt and pull it on over his head. Ritsuka was now nearly as tall as Soubi, and his body had lost most traces of childhood. His shoulders had broadened, his body had turned mostly to lean muscle and only the fine bone structure of his face and his ears and tail hinted that he was still a child.

"Nevermind, I'll just stay with a friend or something!" Ritsuka snapped.

"Ritsuka?"

"What?" he growled, his pride thoroughly injured.

"Whats the matter with you?" Soubi asked, watching Ritsuka intently. "You've been acting strange lately."

That was true. Ritsuka was so frustrated by Soubi's unwillingness to make their relationship more physical that he could hardly act normal around him anymore. He briefly wondered when he had begun to want sex with Soubi so badly. The truth was, there were a lot of reasons why Ritsuka wanted to be with Soubi. Mainly, he wanted to feel loved. But that was something he was beginning to realize he could never have.

"Nothing, I'm fine," Ritsuka answered, turning towards the door.

"I love you, Ritsuka." Soubi said, a soft, knowing expression on his face. It was like everything had clicked together and now Soubi new exactly what Ritsuka was thinking.

"Shut the fuck up! No you don't. Nobody does!! I don't deserve it!!" Ritsuka yelled, tears stinging his eyes. He was surprised at how much Soubi's words affected him. He wanted to be loved so badly. He needed Soubi's love, but he also didn't want to get hurt.

"I do love you," Soubi replied firmly, closing the space between them and taking Ritsuka's face in his hands. "I want you more than you know," he whispered.

His ragged voice caught Ritsuka's attention, but he didn't understand. If Soubi loved him and wanted him, then why wouldn't he have sex??

"Yeah? Then why won't you fuck me??" Ritsuka barked, furious with himself, the situation, and life in general.

"Because," Soubi replied calmly, "Apparently I haven't done a good job of making you understand…I can't. Not while you still have your ears."

Ritsuka's temper flared at the older man's words. His ears were beginning to be a bit of a sore spot. At 17, it wasn't cool for a guy to still have his ears.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ritsuka growled, anger flooding his system. "You claim to love me, but you don't pay any attention to what I need? I need you Soubi!"

His face flushed dark red at having to voice such an embarrassing sentiment, but suddenly he didn't care anymore. With his temper raging, Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's neck with his right hand and backed him against the nearest wall. Ritsuka had been through too much, felt too much, hurt too much to be told that he couldn't have the only person who had ever actually cared for him.

Ritsuka brought his lips to Soubi's with crushing force, unlike any other kiss they had ever shared. Running a hand across Soubi's scalp, he suddenly tightened his grip and pulled a bit. Soubi gasped, slightly parting his lips. Ritsuka immediately pushed his tongue into Soubi's mouth, exploring its depths, tasting the faint presence of cigarette.

When Ritsuka finally broke the kiss a few minutes later, he searched Soubi's face for some sign of resistance, but surprisingly there was none.

"Now you're getting the idea," Soubi murmured, looking pointedly at Ritsuka.

Suddenly the young man felt very foolish. All of this time he had been frustrated with Soubi, but it was really his fault for not understanding what Soubi meant. Because of some obscure rule of fighters and sacrifices that Ritsuka had never been told about, he apparently was the one that would have to initiate something like this.

Ritsuka's whole attitude changed as he realized the situation. He let go of Soubi's neck and hair, and lightly nuzzled the place on the man's neck where a red hand print was quickly appearing as though apologizing for being mean.

"I'm sorry I'm such a dumb ass," he whispered.

"I'll only forgive you if you don't stop," Soubi replied, his voice slightly ragged with desire.

The sound of Soubi's voice sent a ripple of longing through Ritsuka's body to settle in the general region of his pelvis. He replied by nipping lightly at Soubi's neck while sliding his hands down Soubi's side. Grabbing the older man's shirt, Ritsuka quickly pulled it off over his head. Soubi let out a quiet moan lacing fingers through Ritsuka's short black hair while Ritsuka placed open mouthed kisses over his chest.

Ritsuka's head was swimming with desire. Soubi, though several years older than him, seemed to be letting Ritsuka take the lead. The sacrifice reveled in the chance to show his affection for his fighter.

Soubi's breathing hitched. Ritsuka grinned slightly before rolling his tongue over the tiny bud once more.

"Ri…tsuka," Soubi breathed, pulling the younger man up so that he could press their lips together once more.

They stumbled towards the bed, not willing to let go of one another long enough to walk the few steps over. Ritsuka could feel his blood pounding in his ears and now in other places as well. He lay down on the bed, and pulled Soubi down on top of him, whimpering lightly as Soubi's hips pressed down against his. Soubi went to work, placing kisses on Ritsuka's neck while lightly tracing the large bruise that was forming on his temple then rubbing firm but gentle circles on one of his black cat ears. Ritsuka bit back a moan as the sensation made his arms erupt in goosebumps, while another sensitive place became almost painfully excited.

Soubi helped Ritsuka out of his clothes between needy kisses. As his underwear was slid off of his legs and discarded on the floor, Ritsuka felt the first pangs of nervousness. He wasn't really sure what to do next, and he only had an idea of what to expect. As evidenced by his ears and tail, he had never done this before.

"What's wrong?" Soubi asked, his eyes clouded with lust, but his tone gentle and patient.

"I'm…just…a little nervous, that's all," Ritsuka replied, turning his head to the side so that Soubi wouldn't see his blush.

Already straddling Ritsuka, Soubi leaned forward to murmur in his ear.

"Its okay. You'll do fine."

Soubi's deep voice reverberated through every fiber of Ritsuka's being and suddenly, all of his anxieties were wiped from his mind. All he could think about was being as close to Soubi as physically possible. He fumbled with the fastenings on Soubi's pants as heat and excitement bubbled through him, but he was momentarily distracted from his task as Soubi slid a hand down to firmly and deliberately caress Ritsuka's arousal.

"Ah..ha..ha..Soubi," Ritsuka moaned as pleasure ricocheted up his spine. For a moment, his senses were clouded and he could do nothing but whimper at his lover's touch.

"Soubi, wait…I…ha…stop," Ritsuka pleaded, knowing that he wouldn't last much longer under such attention.

Ritsuka was only a little surprised when Soubi did just that. There was a momentary, rather awkward pause. Then Ritsuka asked the question that was burning on his tongue.

"What now? I mean…," he blushed a bright scarlet. "Should I…?" Rather than finished his question, Ritsuka illustrated his meaning by spreading his legs a little wider. He was surprised by the firmness of Soubi's answer.

"No. I can't…"

An irrational, yet very powerful fear coiled in Ritsuka's chest. What was Soubi saying? Was he backing out? But why? They loved each other. But more than that, Soubi was like air or water to Ritsuka. He couldn't live in this horrible life without him. Why couldn't Soubi…

And then realization struck him with the force of a tidal wave. Ritsuka blushed, if possible, an even darker red.

"Oh," he murmured, squirming a bit as his nervousness returned.

Soubi grinned and shifted to the side, so that he was no longer straddling Ritsuka's legs and he began sliding his pants and underwear to the floor.

"I thought you'd never figure it out. You're usually far too smart of your own good, but with this…." Soubi settled himself into a comfortable position on his back.

"You were killing me. I wanted you so badly," he continued, reaching over to stroke one of Ritsuka's cat ears.

"But I…what if I…I don't know," Ritsuka stammered, entirely and uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

"If you don't want too…" Soubi began, but he was cut off by Ritsuka's lips on his own.

Ritsuka had come too far to let this opportunity slip by on account of mere inexperience.

"Ngh…ha…mmm" Their voices and breathing mingled as Ritsuka delved his tongue into Soubi's mouth, bit lightly at his lower lip, and laced his fingers through his hair. After several moments of kissing and exploring each others bodies with light touches, Ritsuka felt Soubi shift slightly.

"Here, use this," the older man instructed, pressing a small container into Ritsuka's hand. "Unless," the fighter breathed roughly, giving Ritsuka a seductive look, "you want it to hurt."

Ritsuka's body felt like it was on fire at Soubi's words. Lacing his fingers through Soubi's hair, Ritsuka tightened his grip and pulled the fighter's head back a little roughly. He knew that Soubi had been so desensitized that sometimes he needed pain just to feel anything, but Ritsuka began applying the contents of the container anyway. It wasn't Ritsuka's style to inflict pain on others, physical or emotional. He had had too much of that himself.

Ritsuka nipped at Soubi's neck a little less than gently, his hand still firmly pulling Soubi's head back at an angle. Like this, Soubi's scar looked even more gruesome than usually. The cat-eared boy kissed his fighter's scar lightly before pausing to wonder momentarily what he should do next.

"Just…do it…Ritsuka," Soubi encouraged in a deep growl. "I love you. I _need_ you."

Ristuka didn't need any more encouraging than that, his body already felt like it was burning and it only got worse the longer he stared at Soubi's perfect body.

He let go of Soubi's hair and used his left hand to balance himself on the bed, while he hooked his right arm under Soubi's leg, lifting and tilting so that the older man's hips were in what seemed to be a good position. Then instinctively, almost without thought, Ritsuka rocked his hips forward.

Ritsuka bit his lip a little as the sensation overwhelmed him. It was better than he ever could have imagined. Glancing up to see if Soubi felt the same way, Ritsuka was taken by surprise. Soubi was frowning slightly.

"Whats wrong, Soubi?" Ritsuka managed ask breathily. "Am I doing…something wrong?"

Soubi shook his head then reached up to wrap his arms around Ritsuka's neck.

"Keep going," the older man urged.

Ritsuka nodded and slowly but deliberately forced his hips down until he was fully engulfed by Soubi's body. Soubi let out a low moan and began massaging one of Ritsuka's cat ears as he waited for his sacrifice to gather himself.

Ritsuka panted a little as he was overwhelmed by the sensation of Soubi's body, as well as the little circles the man was rubbing on his ear.

"Nnnngh, Soubi," he murmured, but it did not take long for Ritsuka's instincts to kick in once more.

Ritsuka shifted a bit so that he could lean down and capture Soubi's lips in a slow kiss as he began to grind his hips into Soubi's. He quickened the pace as pleasure ricocheted through his body and Soubi began rocking his hips up to meet the young man's thrusts.

"Ha…ha...AH! Nnnngh, Ritsuka…" Soubi's low, husky voice sent chills down Ritsuka's spine and he responded by kissing and biting his fighters neck and shoulder.

Ritsuka could feel the pressure building rapidly and he couldn't stop the moans that began to escape him with each thrust. He was supporting his weight now with his left forearm, and reached up to cup the back of Soubi's neck in his right hand.

"Soubi….Soubi," he murmured, between moans and panting breaths.

"I…love you…Soubi."

The tension in his body was growing tremendously and Ritsuka felt like he was about to fly into a million pieces. And then, just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, he heard Soubi moan loudly and the fighter's body tensed around him.

Ritsuka gasped at the intensity of the feeling, then his whole body tensed and he let out a whimper as he felt the wave of pleasure crash over him. Then his muscles gave out and he rolled to the side, flopping down next to Soubi on the bed. He was exhausted and almost immediately fell asleep.

Soubi smiled as he pulled the sheets up to cover himself and his sacrifice. He settled himself on his back and pulled the sleeping Ritsuka over, so that the young man's head rested on Soubi's chest. The fighter gently combed his fingers through Ritsuka's hair, and when the black cat ears came off like dead leaves, Soubi gently placed them on the table beside his bed. He went back to gently massaging Ritsuka's scalp as the boy slept. It was a little sad to see Ritsuka without his adorable cat ears and tail. However, Ritsuka, without his ears and tail, was quite possibly the sexiest being Soubi had ever seen.

The fighter held his sacrifice close and let the boy sleep calmly in the afterglow, because next time, now that Ritsuka no longer had ears, Soubi wouldn't be nearly as submissive.

**Fin**

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